Rocky Mountain Men

Why You're Here and What It Is:


The Rocky Mountain region is just that, the region that borders the majestic Rocky Mountains. This includes the states of Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado, and the mountainous regions of Utah.


I have no idea why you came here but the only one suspicion I have is that some rancher in Montana got lonely and mail-ordered you from your region of the world. The other reason why you would come here is to work in the Ski Resort regions of Colorado or you converted to be a Mormon and want to visit Salt Lake City. For whatever reason you've decided to come, you'll be a welcomed and valued guest to the area.


This area is incredibly vast and very very high above sea level. You will be so high in the sky that you won't be able to bake a cake and might get a few headaches from the altitude.  The weather is very nice here but extremely changeable because of the altitude. There is very little rainfall in the summer but a great deal of snow in the winter. The weather is very cold in the winter and takes your breath away from its intensity. If you've come here, you don't mind wearing a coat, even in the summer.


Rocky Mountain Men:


Chances are you won't meet a man who was born and raised in the Rocky Mountain Region. These men are very elusive and you'd be one of the first people to ever meet one in the flesh. Mostly, you'll meet a Mountain Intellectual who moved to this region to teach people how to ski, to manage a resort, a National Park Ranger, or a drifter (and talking to him is NOT a good idea). 

If you do happen to meet a Native Rocky Mountain Man you'll meet someone who is short on conversation and has very little to say about his day. This region is almost completely DEVOID of all large cities...or cities in general. The largest city is Denver and that's not saying much. Denver is lovely but VERY SMALL for an American "city". It's more like a large town. This region is very lonely for people living there. If you GOOGLE EARTH any place in any of those states and just drop the little orange man down in any part of the region you're likely to see vast areas of land with only a few simple dwellings widely separated. 


I spent a little time in Montana and dropped in at popular restaurants in two small towns. The places were absolutely silent - no music, no frills, and the food was horrible. The men were mostly cattle ranchers and couldn't or wouldn't talk. They ate in complete silence. I wondered if they were tired or just sick of talking to the same people. It was hard to tell if they were attractive too because they were covered in dirt. They did have bright blue eyes, but that's about it as far as I could tell. 


The other men, the Immigrants from the East are more affable and come from the Midwest, the Mid-Atlantic, and New England. They are charming because they are outdoorsy, adventurous, and happy to be alive.


Where to Meet Him:


If you were to meet a Native Rocky Mountain Man chances are you are at the base of some godforsaken cattle ranch, a supply outpost, or some weekend bar. He's got a deep red neck and a white forehead from his cowboy hat. He's wearing his best outfit and it's not great. He's probably just being quiet and looking at you and then looking at his drink in silent contemplation thinking God-knows-what. 

If you're going to meet the more pleasurable local Immigrant, you can be anywhere and have no problem joining in the fun. Men in this region are very willing to talk and make you a part of his group of other Immigrants. He's got no agenda and no problem fitting you in to his easy schedule.


What He'll Look and Act Like:


If you find a good Immigrant living in the area he'll have a good sense of style but it will look like all his clothes come from an outdoor magazine, and they did! He looks ready to go...up a hill, a mountain, or to the top of the world. He's impressively ready for adventure. He will be friendly and a little aloof. It's not that he's mean, he's just not that interested in being too caught up in a lot of emotional chaos with you when there is just a pine tree lined trail to explore right outside his door and you're being complicated. He's going to be nice enough however so you won't feel like you made a mistake to hang out with him.

If you meet a Native...well, who knows how he'll act? It will be WEIRD I can promise you that much. He will or won't talk, he will or won't have on appropriate clothes, but my guess is that with the right girl he might want to explore some of the kind of animalistic sex that would make a whore blush. Your guess is as good as mine about this one. I've seen a few in the places I have mentioned and they are NOT used to being around lots of people and I had no idea how to start a conversation with them OR if I should even broach any topic with them. He's got some social issues for certain that you're not going to be used to. He will be polite however and there is no reason to fear him.


What Kind of Girls He's Used To:


The Immigrants are used to other girl Immigrants who are fun loving and also adventurous. You'd better be ready to climb every mountain, ford every stream, and follow every rainbow with him. His girl doesn't wear makeup and has no body issues because she's so fit from hiking up mountains that she looks like a super model with all her clothes off. With her clothes ON however, she looks like man wearing a woman's version of his clothes.


The Native, well, he's used to sheep and cattle...that's about it. No competition whatsoever. 


Where Your Blind Spot Is:


You don't understand the scale of this region and you think that you can do all kinds of wilderness activities without really understanding the danger of it. Certainly your new Immigrant Adventure-Pal isn't worried about bears, breaking a leg far from a cell phone tower, or falling from a very high cliff. Always be prepared before you even think of going into the wild with him and carry a large can of BEAR SPRAY no matter what he says. He's being macho. However Grizzly Bears are far more macho than your date and wouldn't mind eating your intestines while you watch.


The Big Date:


You'll go into the woods, down a snow covered giant mountain on skis, or to a fun music bar with lots of other Immigrants. I have no idea whatsoever what the Native would think to do with you. Just bring the BEAR SPRAY just in case.