Monday, July 16, 2012

Men From New England

Why You're Visiting New England and What It Is:


So you're visiting from Ireland and came to Boston because that's what Irish girls do - the region is very large comprising the states of Massachusetts, Connecticut, tiny Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. You might have read in some guidebook that New England is charming and quaint. Or, you were sent here on some god-forsaken assignment for work. Either way, you're in 'Ireland West' now and your about to see what happened to your ancestors while they were off having sex with the locals and creating a new kind of pumped-up / enthusiastic Irish breed. 


New England Men:


Boston men LOVE women from the "homeland" and if you're lucky enough to speak English in any kind of accent that he remembers from his grandmother's kitchen then you're the most intriguing potential sex partner he's ever likely to meet. One problem would be that he also expects you to BE like those early immigrant women that made New England so Irish to begin with. Great-Grandma was poor, could cook for 50 people in a kitchen without countertops, and ironed her clothes with starch. She was a "do it yourself" kind of gal and he might think he's "come home" when he's with you. Understand from the outset: American men do like to be "taken care of" in a loving way from their partners much like your dad and his dad. They are willing to sit after dinner and watch TV while you do the dishes. He'll help if you ask, but mostly not if you don't. Men are role driven to be men in the United States; but the good news is that he'll try to make more money than you and to take care of his family. American men are still good traditional providers when they can be.


Boston men value their Irish ancestry like no other man in the United States and it doesn't matter if they are three fourths Mexican, if they had an Irish grandparent that's enough for them to be certifiably Irish in their heads. "Boston" comprises all of New England because of the Irish devotion to the Red Sox (which is a baseball team that is adored by all men in New England like no other team or sport in all of America). The Red Sox even has sportswear that is green with a little shamrock on the back of it in case you need a last minute fashion statement to prove your Irishness. 


Where to Meet Him:


Pub...just like in Ireland. But even better is the Boston Common, at an Irish Music Festival, or better still at a Red Sox game where he's going to be in a good mood for the first 5 innings. Look around at the other girls in town and try to dress a bit like them. American men love their girls in terms of fashion and anything too different might be too alien for him and he won't be able to read you well. 


What He'll Look and Act Like:


Get ready girl...you're in for breathtaking thrill to see the typical New England Irish-Hard-Core-Boy that will look a hell of a lot like your cousin Dermud only with pumped up muscles, a nice tan, and the straightest and whitest teeth you've ever seen in your life. He'll be wearing a RED SOX hat (of course) backwards with little curls peeping out under the brim. He has pretty eyes, a big smile, and lots of beer in his gut and pre-digested in his red plastic mug. If it's anywhere near March 17th, he's wearing green and sporting a new shamrock or "fightin' Irish" tattoo. These boys are nothing like your cousins back home and they are more than willing to prove why "America is the Land of Opportunity".  American men are very confident and open sexually. They might have a bit of hesitation initially about making the first move, but once they do they will be unstoppable in their zest for you. Like all men however, he will still need to be the hunter and your job is to keep him interested by not being too 'easy to get' regardless of how you act at home. American men value women who they might have a chase a little bit but you cannot be too subtle about your interest in him. He needs confirmation that you're interested before he'll commit to the chase. If you give up too much too fast he'll lost interest almost immediately. He has lots of options but being from another country makes you top priority for the chase -- in America, many people don't meet foreigners regularly other than Canadians and that doesn't count.


He'll probably drink more than he should, he'll be completely honest with you (or as honest as his brain will let him), and he'll definitely try to have sex with you. The one good thing about American men is that you won't doubt if you're sexually attractive to him, he WILL tell you if he wants to have sex with you.



What Kind of Girl He's Used To:



The girls he's used to are Irish-yahoos willing to drink green beer and party to the Dropkick Murphys (he knows lots of "Irish" bands that are really Americans playing "Irish" music that you've never heard of). He will have a large group of friends and will expect you to 'hang out' with all of them seamlessly.  They have NO idea what modern Ireland is like and would never visit there as they are completely content in their version of 'Ireland West' and can't imagine anything different. That will be your biggest obstacle. The girls will hate you to the core of your being because you have no affinity to his group. However his Irish sister will adore you because you remind her of Great-Grandma and she will sit with you for hours just wide-eyed at your accent and loving you to pieces for coming back from the dead. Play this up. She is going to be your only advocate.


Never mind that most Irish girls today are nothing like the women from his Great-Grandmother's kitchen: You are sophisticated, cultured, educated, and don't give a rat's ass about St. Patrick - he wants to think of you as being an Irish flag waving Celtic goddess of his dreams and you're going to have to comply or go back to Killarney. 


Where Your Blind Spot Is:


New England men are similar to their Irish brothers apart from the "super funny easy-going" aspect. They are funny but tend to be a bit sarcastic in a mean way. If you come across one who is wealthy - watch out, they are snakes most of the time. Wealthy Irish boys are very educated without the compassion part that education brings and consider their options in women to be endless. They might not be convinced that being with a girl from Europe is best for them. They are spoiled on the most part. So if you get invited to a "clambake on the Vinyard with Skip McMoney" you might be better off with "Shawn on the dock for beers". He'll appreciate you and might make you his wife for life.


The Big Date:


Chances are you'll be in a group of girls and boys. This will be a challenge. The girls will all be staring (or glaring) at your European-ness and asking all kinds of inappropriate questions and the guys will all be looking at you as the newest meat in town of the kind they've never tasted before. Don't allow this to happen. You'll have to trust that this won't be fun ahead of time. Get to know him first all by yourself and then you can ease into his sophomoric crowd when you're drunk enough. 


Wear something familiar and don't bother getting too dressed up unless he says it's a dress up affair. More than likely, you'll wear casual denim, a sexy-feminine blouse, and heels. You'll be in Boston or the outlying environs and he'll treat you very nicely. More than likely he will pay. He will be fun, kind, and really sexy. Men from Boston are notoriously fun if they have the right kind of upbringing and will have a great attitude on the date. Smile a lot and be sweet always and he'll be over the moon for you in no time. No bitching, nail biting, or bad attitude and he'll ask for a second date.



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