Rocky Mountain Men

Why You're Here and What It Is:


The Rocky Mountain region is just that, the region that borders the majestic Rocky Mountains. This includes the states of Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado, and the mountainous regions of Utah.


I have no idea why you came here but the only one suspicion I have is that some rancher in Montana got lonely and mail-ordered you from your region of the world. The other reason why you would come here is to work in the Ski Resort regions of Colorado or you converted to be a Mormon and want to visit Salt Lake City. For whatever reason you've decided to come, you'll be a welcomed and valued guest to the area.


This area is incredibly vast and very very high above sea level. You will be so high in the sky that you won't be able to bake a cake and might get a few headaches from the altitude.  The weather is very nice here but extremely changeable because of the altitude. There is very little rainfall in the summer but a great deal of snow in the winter. The weather is very cold in the winter and takes your breath away from its intensity. If you've come here, you don't mind wearing a coat, even in the summer.


Rocky Mountain Men:


Chances are you won't meet a man who was born and raised in the Rocky Mountain Region. These men are very elusive and you'd be one of the first people to ever meet one in the flesh. Mostly, you'll meet a Mountain Intellectual who moved to this region to teach people how to ski, to manage a resort, a National Park Ranger, or a drifter (and talking to him is NOT a good idea). 

If you do happen to meet a Native Rocky Mountain Man you'll meet someone who is short on conversation and has very little to say about his day. This region is almost completely DEVOID of all large cities...or cities in general. The largest city is Denver and that's not saying much. Denver is lovely but VERY SMALL for an American "city". It's more like a large town. This region is very lonely for people living there. If you GOOGLE EARTH any place in any of those states and just drop the little orange man down in any part of the region you're likely to see vast areas of land with only a few simple dwellings widely separated. 


I spent a little time in Montana and dropped in at popular restaurants in two small towns. The places were absolutely silent - no music, no frills, and the food was horrible. The men were mostly cattle ranchers and couldn't or wouldn't talk. They ate in complete silence. I wondered if they were tired or just sick of talking to the same people. It was hard to tell if they were attractive too because they were covered in dirt. They did have bright blue eyes, but that's about it as far as I could tell. 


The other men, the Immigrants from the East are more affable and come from the Midwest, the Mid-Atlantic, and New England. They are charming because they are outdoorsy, adventurous, and happy to be alive.


Where to Meet Him:


If you were to meet a Native Rocky Mountain Man chances are you are at the base of some godforsaken cattle ranch, a supply outpost, or some weekend bar. He's got a deep red neck and a white forehead from his cowboy hat. He's wearing his best outfit and it's not great. He's probably just being quiet and looking at you and then looking at his drink in silent contemplation thinking God-knows-what. 

If you're going to meet the more pleasurable local Immigrant, you can be anywhere and have no problem joining in the fun. Men in this region are very willing to talk and make you a part of his group of other Immigrants. He's got no agenda and no problem fitting you in to his easy schedule.


What He'll Look and Act Like:


If you find a good Immigrant living in the area he'll have a good sense of style but it will look like all his clothes come from an outdoor magazine, and they did! He looks ready to go...up a hill, a mountain, or to the top of the world. He's impressively ready for adventure. He will be friendly and a little aloof. It's not that he's mean, he's just not that interested in being too caught up in a lot of emotional chaos with you when there is just a pine tree lined trail to explore right outside his door and you're being complicated. He's going to be nice enough however so you won't feel like you made a mistake to hang out with him.

If you meet a Native...well, who knows how he'll act? It will be WEIRD I can promise you that much. He will or won't talk, he will or won't have on appropriate clothes, but my guess is that with the right girl he might want to explore some of the kind of animalistic sex that would make a whore blush. Your guess is as good as mine about this one. I've seen a few in the places I have mentioned and they are NOT used to being around lots of people and I had no idea how to start a conversation with them OR if I should even broach any topic with them. He's got some social issues for certain that you're not going to be used to. He will be polite however and there is no reason to fear him.


What Kind of Girls He's Used To:


The Immigrants are used to other girl Immigrants who are fun loving and also adventurous. You'd better be ready to climb every mountain, ford every stream, and follow every rainbow with him. His girl doesn't wear makeup and has no body issues because she's so fit from hiking up mountains that she looks like a super model with all her clothes off. With her clothes ON however, she looks like man wearing a woman's version of his clothes.


The Native, well, he's used to sheep and cattle...that's about it. No competition whatsoever. 


Where Your Blind Spot Is:


You don't understand the scale of this region and you think that you can do all kinds of wilderness activities without really understanding the danger of it. Certainly your new Immigrant Adventure-Pal isn't worried about bears, breaking a leg far from a cell phone tower, or falling from a very high cliff. Always be prepared before you even think of going into the wild with him and carry a large can of BEAR SPRAY no matter what he says. He's being macho. However Grizzly Bears are far more macho than your date and wouldn't mind eating your intestines while you watch.


The Big Date:


You'll go into the woods, down a snow covered giant mountain on skis, or to a fun music bar with lots of other Immigrants. I have no idea whatsoever what the Native would think to do with you. Just bring the BEAR SPRAY just in case.

Southwestern Men

Why You're Visiting and Where You Are:


The American Southwest is the most beautiful continuous landscape in the world. There is nothing quite like it anywhere else on earth. The American Southwest is Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico (no, this is not part of Mexico), Arizona, Utah, and Nevada.


You've come here to come to a big city like Las Vegas, Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, Phoenix, and Salt Lake City for work or want to do some hiking on a vacation in any one of these gorgeous states and there is so much to see that you wish you could live here. Chances are you're a nature girl and are considering living in this big broad expanse of land that is remarkably unpopulated for such an incredible place that has some of the best weather on earth. You are enchanted...completely dazzled and feel so lucky to be alive in such a beautiful place.


Southwestern Men:


You are in for a treat when you go looking for a man in the American Southwest. These are the most easy-going, easy to please, versatile men in all of the continent. They are always tanned because the sun is always shining, they are easy and content with themselves, and they are very tolerant of racial and cultural diversity because their land is full of people who came this far for very intentional reasons and they don't seek to make them assimilate into whatever they believe is the "local culture". 


This is the land of the American Cowboy and just in case you didn't know it, men still wear cowboy hats in the Southwest and they look simply gorgeous in them. There are four kinds of major cultures in the Southwest; the Gringos, the Spaniards, the Intellectuals, and the Native Americans. When discussing Southwestern Men it's important to be clear about the features of each group. 


The Gringos can be anyone but the primary person I am talking about are the non-Hispanic people who came there recently or during the drive for the settlers to move west in the early 1800s. Gringos are relatively educated but not overly so, are mostly the working class in the region, and are the people who mix beautifully with whomever chooses to move into the region. One particular Gringo group are the Mormons who really are a class all of their own and I will discuss them briefly in another entry.


The American-Spaniards of the region are not like the Mexican people south of the American border. They are tall, have a different accent, and have been connected with the Gringos both culturally and genetically. They are fairer than their south-of-the-border brothers and even have a different cuisine.


The Intellectuals are the artists who came to the region to paint, open galleries, and leave the rough world of the east behind. Often you'll hear them talking about the east coast as "back east" as if they just came from there. The newer Intellectuals are those that have come to the region for the high technical jobs that have opened up all over the region. They bought the beautiful homes that were recently constructed and are enjoying the perfect weather this very minute as you read this. Together, these men are a wonderful group to choose from.

The Native American Men will not even entertain speaking to you let alone look at you. He's not interested in mingling with women outside of his tribe and will not be going on a date with you for any reason. He probably has a wife, children, and a strong connection to his mother and he's only 18 years old. He's handsome though and tall so you might notice him. He will not be wearing feathers or bones but will be wearing jeans, shirts, turquoise jewelry, and has long black mirror-like hair.


Where To Meet Him:


There are plenty of venues to meet a man in the Southwest and they will not miss a beat if you're from wherever on the planet. They will want to know you and won't be too curious or ask a lot of irritating questions. If they are attracted to you it's no problem if you're from the moon in his opinion. There are plenty of hotels with courtyards, lovely outdoor beer and wine restaurants, hiking groups, camping groups, colleges, festivals, and rodeos as venues to meet him. The only obstacle is that people tend to marry young in this region and there might not be too many men left to choose from in your age group however divorce is very common and you might meet someone who has an ex-wife and / or children.


What He'll Look Like and How He Will Act:


The Gringo will be nice to look at and will either be wearing fairly nice clothing or street rat rags on his body. Completely disregard the street rat of course. Men of the Southwest aren't particular about what they wear but they are not fashion-blind like men of the Mid-Atlantic. The Gringo will be just like a Midwest Man in many ways but will tolerate your sarcastic side better although it will be new to him he's more adaptable. 


The Intellectuals will look like they just got out of bed and are wearing their pajamas or hiking clothes and haven't taken a bath in at least a week. They drive Subaru cars to they are easy to spot. Often they have facial hair but aren't too crazy about tattoos. They like yoga, organic vegetarian foods, trendy human rights issues, environmental concerns, wearing thick socks with sandals, and not matching their clothes. They are often very philosophical people if you can deal with the grubbiness. The Intellectual will notice you only as if he's studying a behavior of yours and is above sexual attraction because he meditated that morning about how he's not going to succumb to the needs of his penis. He'll get over it once he knows how irresistible you are.


The American-Spaniards will be very well dressed and look amazing. He will approach you whether you notice him or not. Chances are his wife is waiting for him to come out of the store you're both in so check for a wedding ring or a woman waiting in the car (no, it's not his sister). 


What Kind of Girl He's Used To:


The typical "Non-Spaniard Southwestern Woman" is an artist, or a student, or a worker, and are good girls. You won't have any problem from them. They are the laid back girls of the country and aren't interested why you're here as they just consider you a "new settler" or a "new American" - they don't have a lot of preconceived notions about why you would ever choose to visit or live in the American Southwest. They make good friends and will enjoy your company greatly. They have almost no prejudices and are very welcoming to all cultures and religious groups.


Now take this description and turn it on it's head and you've got the American-Spanish Woman. She is a VIPER of the highest order. DO NOT MESS WITH HER under any circumstances. Even if you are an Italian Girl from Sicily and believe that you are tougher than her, you'd be very wrong. It's not that she would ever do you bodily harm (although do not rule this out completely) - she will wreck your life if she can and has the veracity and patience to haunt you throughout your lifetime. You see, when she was 10 years old she met Juan and decided that when they grew up she would marry him. Her mother and HIS mother told her that this was possible. The bonds between these families run deep and are very sacred to their communities. Imagine Spain in the 1500s and The Inquisition...that is what the present-day American-Spanish community is like.


Let's say that Juan grows up, is smart, and decides to go to college and then meets you. It's his first "grown up" relationship and he feels very liberated to have met you. Forget him. Don't even go there in your heart or mind. You're asking for a life of misery if you do. His childhood sweetheart will be a crazy stalker sabotaging you because she -  1. Might be the mother of Juan's first child - 2. She has the backing of every mother in the Southwest to torture you - 3. She will call Juan consistently for years to make him feel awful for abandoning his culture and he will not try to stop her because he does feel guilty. You'll never be welcomed here. Dump him and find someone else before it gets serious. 


If you happen to meet that most elusive and rare of American-Spanish Men, the ones who haven't been claimed by some girl from childhood, then scoop him up but never stop looking over your shoulder. You might even get tremendously lucky and meet a man who has Gringo / Spanish / Native American parents. You'll never see a more handsome man and you will be a welcomed member of the family adding to the genetic party!


Where Your Blind Spot Is:


Your biggest blindspot will be recognizing the American-Spanish Man's ex-girlfriend / wife / childhood sweetheart. Be sure you know his history from the first date and ask about it several times in different ways to be sure the story is the same each time he tells it and that he's not lying. It's not that he wants to lie to you, but he doesn't want to scare you off and he'd like to date you without worrying that you'll be afraid of being stabbed by his "loco-child-bride".

The Big Date:


The Intellectual will begin the night at a yoga class (for him) and then meditate before texting you. If he doesn't make you pick him up, he'll meet you at a coffee bar where he might bring his guitar and just tune it while you sip your coffee as he might not know how to play it really. Then you'll dine on half of his sandwich that you paid for and he'll escort you back to his front door where he will thank you and say goodbye. He sucks really. Don't even go out with him in the first place - you'll be shocked at how bad he is at dating.


The Gringo will bring you to a chain restaurant and then to an action film at a Cineplex movie theater. You'll have a "typical" time like most of Americans. He will invite you back to his apartment where he hopes you'll have sex with him. It's pretty straightforward. No mystery here.


The American-Spaniard will bring you to an amazing Hispanic Restaurant in a little hamlet somewhere up on the most beautiful mountain you've ever seen. This is because he's hiding from his wife and / or kids. You'll be treated to native flavors like you've never had before and will adore his white cowboy hat. He will order in Spanish and hold your hand under the table (in case his wife's childhood friend is in the restaurant and recognizes him). 


Again, you won't be on a date with a Native American. You might SEE one at the restaurant or at the movies, but he will be with his brothers and he won't see you.

Midwestern Men

Why You're Here and What It Is:


The midwest is a very large area and has very large states that are remarkably similar to one another. They are Ohio, Illinois ( this is the state where Chicago is ), Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin, Iowa, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Kansas, and Missouri. The region is noted for its weather which is very hot in the summer with temperatures above 37C and very cold in the winter with temperatures as low as -40C. The eastern part of the Midwest is very different from the western part which is mostly prairie land and almost completely empty.

God only knows why you are here from your part of the world but whatever your reason you're enjoying it tremendously and think that all Americans are sweet as pie and kinder than saints. You are very happy.


 Midwestern Men:


Living in the Midwest, the men are taught to take tornados in their stride, to farm the land or to appreciate farming, to be patient, polite and boring. Yes, boring. Midwestern Men are the BEST men in America and yet...yawn...just thinking of them makes me want to give up the blog and go to sleep. 


The land of the Midwest is flat, monotonous, and the towns are the same. You'll never meet more sweet, helpful, genuinely caring people in all your life. They will go out of their way to give you directions, will introduce the whole clan to you as they pass you on the street, will water their impeccably gorgeous flowers and invite you to stop and smell the roses. You've met the "typical" American that is talked about all over the world. You've met the heart and soul of this great nation yet you also can't get them to talk about anything controversial, to give a definitive opinion about anything difficult to discuss, or to get them to be outraged about injustice. They are just too happy to get upset and don't want you to mess with this happiness.

Where To Meet Him:


Midwesterners are very laid back people...very - laid - back. You're likely to meet him at a local festival, and in fact, be invited by him on the street to go with you to that festival. Unlike their New York brothers, Midwestern Men make no obstacle of your being a complete stranger to him. He trusts that you are completely wonderful and aren't a danger to him. There is no lack of spontaneity in these men and they have nothing but good experiences with most of the people in their lives who are not sarcastic, unkind, or trouble makers for the most part.


You can meet him anywhere...a restaurant, a concert, a walk on the beaches of the Great Lakes, or while waiting in line for an ice cream cone. He'll be open and kind to you straight away.


What He'll Look and Act Like:


He will be polite, clean, and have nice fingernails. If you can stand all the sweetness and light, you're likely to notice that his clothes are neat and pressed, he makes lots of eye contact, and reminds you of a ten year old boy in terms of his respectfulness and charm. It's not all bad however because he isn't a ten year old boy and is more than willing to prove it to you -- after you meet his mother, sisters, brother, and all his cousins. This guy is open and if he likes you he wants you to meet his family. 


Midwestern Men are TALL...not freakishly tall like Dutch Men but very tall and thick like Norwegians. The Norwegians came and settled this land of snow and bugs and you'll notice this right away. They are blue-eyed, blond or fair haired, and have big smiles. They are CUTE.


He will be the quintessential 'All American Boy' that is portrayed in magazines. He will have played some kind of sport in his youth and knows how to compete fairly, he will have good muscles, and straight teeth because his parents wanted him to have braces to make his smile very nice for others to see. He understands nature and doesn't get too freaked out about violent weather as you see a tornado the size of a skyscraper barreling toward you.  He takes all the scary things about the midwest in stride. You'll be impressed that he knows that tornado is going to turn to the north and avoid you completely.

He is brave, calm, and courteous. You will like him immediately and you will be the most exotic creature he will ever meet.


What Kind of Girl He's Used To:


He's used to the sweetest girls in the world. Women being what they are, you'd think that you're dealing with a Southern Girl who seems nice on the outside but are mean on the inside. Not so with a Midwestern Girl. She's nice, happy, and wants to make you her friend because she's got lots of friends and you seem really nice to her too. Midwestern Girls are not territorial about men or her family and wants only to add to her joys and blessings. You're lucky she's going to be your mother / sister / grandmother-in-law. 


His old girlfriend has moved on politely and you'll get no drama from her unless she's mentally unwell. You'll just be so happy also because the girls who date his friends will be curious about you and welcome you into their circle of friends because you're "special" and "nice" and they just love you. Don't expect to get too personal with them or to have deep conversations with them until you make one of them your "best-friend" in which case she will love you and never betray you. Never, under any circumstances, talk about SEX with any of these girls...they were not raised to talk about anything interesting so you'll fall flat with them if you try.


Where Your Blind Spot Is:


You have no blind spot but just remember that if you're French and want to complain, or Spanish and want to party, or Greek and want to debate these boys you're not going to do well. Norwegians, Swedes, and Germans do well with Midwestern Men as you're all descended from the same people who came to this harsh land in the first place.


The Big Date:


He's got something nice planned but it won't be exciting. He likes theme-parks, ice cream, swimming, hiking, and beer. He doesn't complain and hasn't really experienced too much night-life in his little town. He doesn't care though and can appreciate the little things that make life special. If you choose to marry him and live in the midwest, get ready to toss all culture, sarcasm, and black clothing in the garbage. You're now a midwesterner and you're expected to "keep sweet" and "be nice". 

Southern Men

Why You're Here and Where You Are:


The American South is even more vast than the Mid-Atlantic comprising the historical area known for its history more than it's geography. This area was once slave country (where Africans were bought and sold and used as slaves by rich white owners who lived on Plantations -- watch the film "Gone With the Wind" for a quick tutorial). The South once tried to become it's own nation after the American Revolution in a battle known as the Civil War (1861-1865). Why bother to know this information? Well, most Americans agree that the South is STILL fighting the inner demons of this war and their dysfunctional racial relationships that still exist to this day. You WILL want to know this information because if you choose to live in the south or marry someone from the south, you'd better get ready for a whole lot of ugly dysfunction that is still trying to work itself out. If you live in a big city (and there aren't a whole lot of them down there) you'll fare better with having a more anonymous buffer between you and the general population. 


You ended up in the south because as we might only be able to guess; you're a mail-order bride and have no idea where Alabama is, you're going there to work because your boss wants to open up an office in some cheap dirt-water town, or you just think the word Mississippi sounds nice to spell. You have no idea what you've just done.


This area is comprised of North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, West Virginia, (Virginia is mostly considered Mid-Atlantic but is officially in the south because it was once slave state), Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Louisiana, Alabama, and Mississippi (Oklahoma, and Texas are much more like the American West and really aren't like southern states either). You might wonder, "Where is Florida? It's in the South." - the answer is "Yes, but it isn't like the south". Florida is a retirement haven for New Yorkers and a vacation destination. You wouldn't even give a Native Floridian called a "Cracker" a second look so it doesn't matter to discuss them anyway. Miami is fun and a big city in the south and you'd have fun playing with Mickey Mouse at Disney World in Orlando, but still - it doesn't count because it's full of Northerners having escaped the brutal northern winter.


The major cities in the south worth visiting are Atlanta, Richmond, Charleston, Charlotte, Nashville, Knoxville, New Orleans and Raleigh. Other than that, you're out of luck and of those cities mentioned, none are like the sophisticated behemoths that the North has to offer foreigners. 

Southern Men:


Now, it's not fair that I (in particular) write this article, but honestly if there is a Southern Woman who wants to counter this opine I welcome her perspective. I am a New Englander who moved after college to the Mid-Atlantic. I am a Northerner tried and true politically and behaviorally. I have extensive degrees and have met and enjoyed the company of lots of liberal people. All that being said, I am also very well traveled and have met and been chased by Southern Men and it wasn't pretty how that attempt was countered. Needless to say, I wasn't their type of girl for sure.


If a Southern Man is what you hanker for, you'd better be prepared to "Get Your Jesus On" because these men love Jesus more than their mothers. What does it mean that they "love" Jesus? Jesus is part of the fabric and culture of the south. Every last one of them that I have ever met talk about Jesus in casual conversation, swear to his supernatural experiences as a Christian, and have all been "saved" through being "born again". You'd better look up these phrases because if it's a Southern Christian Man (and that's the only kind of man really in the South) you'd better be prepared to talk the Jesus talk and walk the Jesus walk. Seriously...otherwise they will tell you to your face that you are going to hell and they'd rather not walk that path with you unless you'd be willing to be "saved from the pit-fires of Satan". Never mind for one moment that if they could ever meet the ACTUAL HISTORICAL JESUS they would be flabbergasted at his radical, almost hippie-like ideals presented in a very "not southern" way with tables being overturned and flinging the Easter ham out the window (Jesus was a kosher Jew let us not forget), they have turned him into someone else entirely and it is a part of their very existence.


That being said, if you still are interested in a Southern Man and can handle the kind of Christianity like you've never experienced in your corner of the world, then you're in for a real treat. These men are playful, silly, and downright funny. You'll never meet another man who takes his manhood as seriously, is afraid of being gay or even knowing a gay man, and who can do all sorts of very manly things that you've never seen before like hunt a wild boar and gut it before your very eyes, build a house, grill a deer, and have time to wipe the sweat off their burly chests to give you some proper loving. They are some of the most manly men that our country has to offer. 


Southern boys were raised by sensible women and had a manly daddy. They are extremely polite and kind but like all things in the south they are a contradiction. As kind as they are they can be very racist (not all of them are racists but you'd be hard-pressed to find one that doesn't have some kind of prejudice against people who are different from them) and as polite as they are they are also very suspicious of "outsiders". They still, 150 years after the Civil War, suffer the horrible after effects of a bad philosophy toward humanity and continue to evolve through it. 


Where to Meet Him:


It sure won't be hard to meet a Southern Man especially if you don't mind going to church and they have enormous Mega-Churches in the south that even have singles groups so you can profess your interest in marriage and get lots of interested men asking you all sorts of questions about yourself. 


If you'd prefer to keep things religiously neutral to begin the process of meeting Southern Men then going to a Country-Western dance hall, a music venue, or an outdoor restaurant that serves speciality wines or beer. Going to a bar in the South is never advisable unless you are in a large city (and there aren't many of them).  Bars are usually filled with married men and territorial women who wouldn't mind burying your body in the swamp behind their Uncle Bubba's house. 


What He'll Look and Act Like:


Southern Men, regardless of class or race, are well dressed. That being said, they don't have have the swarthy coolness of New Yorkers or the funky fun types that the North has to offer, but they will look nice, clean and respectable. You'll see them looking ready for church on your first date, (do you see a theme here?). He will be "old fashioned" for an American and treat you as if you're made of glass and don't have a muscle in your arms, legs, or head. They will open doors, smile at everything you say, pull out your chair, get up if you get up from your chair, and even tip their hat to a lady coming in the opposite direction. Southern Men are CHARMING to a fault. Think of a French Man without the education, attitude, or over-indulgent mother, and you've got a Southern Man.


Men of the South can be VERY good looking. Chances are his slave-owning ancestors came from Ireland, Scotland, England, or France and married gorgeously groomed women. The Men of the Atlantic Coastal regions are laid-back and friendly. And the Men of New Orleans are descended from the French and Africans and all speak a lovely accent of Creole that is very easy to listen to for hours. It's nice.


What Kind of Girl He's Used To:


His Momma raised him to be a real gentleman and her daughter to be a two-faced bitch and don't think she isn't...not for a moment. If you have a good sense of humor and can see through her thinly veiled attempt to destroy you than you're safe. If you're a French girl, you know her deal and can obliterate her uneducated attempt at sabotage. However, no matter how patient and tolerant you are, you are NOT ONE OF THEM and she's going to do you in but quick. No one has the patience to deal with in-laws who hate them over a lifetime without it killing a bit of their soul so I don't recommend trying to keep sweet with people who hate you.


Your Southern Sweet Man is used to a girl who doesn't complain (except to her friends), who cooks and cleans without argument, and who treats her man like she would her own baby. He is used to her looking her best at all times and to her brushing off his bad behavior as she says something like, "Oh, that's just Johnny being UGLY...pay him no mind" while he lies face down in the mashed potatoes from too much whiskey. She's one tough cookie and takes pain through prayer and is well liked by thousands of women just like her. You've just met a powerful female like you've never encountered before in your life in a Southern girl.

Where Your Blind Spot Is:


Oh boy, do you have blind spots with this man! He's from an alcoholic family? Better run to the airport. He's got credit issues? Better run to the airport. He's got a white hood and cape in the closet with a conferderate flag (look it up)? Better run to the airport. You've not met anyone like him no matter how far and long you've traveled. You'll not be able to wrap your head around his culture and when you finally do you'll be old and wish you could still run to the airport.


The Big Date:


If you're still willing to go on a date with this lovable homophobe then you'll have a great time -- for the night. You'll be going to a greased hog catching competition or to a five star restaurant in the city. It's hard to tell. He's got lots of tricks up his sleeve and will want to come up with the idea. More than likely, since you're foreign he'll want to show you his culture more than any other American and "his way of life" and be prepared to have fun for the short term.

Mid-Atlantic Men

Why You Are Here and Where It Is:


The Mid-Atlantic Region encompasses New York State, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia including Washington DC. You came here as an ambassador, you know someone here, you got confused, or your thought that this was a great place to springboard to New York City and Washington DC within a quick train ride from Philadelphia in Pennsylvania. You definitely didn't decide to go to Delaware on holiday and should change your plans immediately if you did.


The Mid-Atlantic is the beginning of the country and is so vast it's almost the size of Western Europe. Its best cities are Philadelphia and Washington DC but Richmond, Virginia also deserving of a friendly nod as well as Pittsburgh. What most people of the world do not understand is how far away these places are from one another. New York City, for example, to Richmond, Virginia is 6 hours without and 8 with traffic and this is all within the same region. Philadelphia to Pittsburgh is a 6 hour drive by car and this is all within the same state traveling over the Appalachian Mountain range. Be prepared that you've never driven that far in all your life and you won't want to during your trip for sure. American roads are so vast and busy that it surprises everyone who visits. They are also currently in terrible disrepair. 


Mid-Atlantic Men:


This region is so vast that it would be impossible to generalize the entire region so I am going to pick southeastern Pennsylvania near Philadelphia to describe it although further south the men are better dressed and further north and east they are less admirable.


Unlike New England Men, Southern Men, and Western Men, the Mid-Atlantic Man's ancestry hails mostly from Germany. Now, this might seem a trifle fact apart from this; How many gorgeous men have you ever seen from Germany? Unlike the Irish yahoos from Boston, this group welded in with the local community of "whomever" was around. This meant that there was a rag-taggle mixture of whomever creating a blend of German / Irish / Baltic / Russian / Quaker / Amish-ish breed like no other part of the country. Sorry to my landsmen, but Mid-Atlantic Men take the cake for the least attractive people in the country hands down. 


My sister from the West visited me and we went to a popular amusement park to hang out. I told her, "Find ONE handsome man at this whole crowded theme park and I'll give you a dollar for each one you find". Needless to say, I ended up with my wallet full of dollars and she was bemused. It's true - they are ugly.


If you happen to find one that isn't completely awful looking or too short, not only will you be super lucky, but you should consider yourself blessed because these men are the best for being good providers, committed to relationships, and second only in education to New York men. They are used to traveling, living a good life, and are polite without being fake. Pennsylvania itself was founded on tolerance and peace and this for certain typifies the region. The men are very kind and you'll have a good time with these "middle of the road" types who have few prejudices, a good sense of themselves, and will want you to be happy. 


Where to Meet Him:


I've seen a LOT of cute Amish men but forget it...they wouldn't even take you because there is no conversion to the faith. You'll have to settle on their lesser brothers...the German rabble I told you about earlier. You can find him in a bar, but I wouldn't. It's not like New York City but the Philadelphia and the Chesapeake Bay regions have swanky little towns with great pubs with live music and friendly men. Although they are not as cool at first, the Mid-Atlantic man is kind enough to be slow but sincere. You'll enjoy compliments and smiles before any real talk. Mid-Atlantic men consider any attention to be a big gift or surprise unlike their savvier brothers in Boston and New York - it's probably because they are not much to look at but they have a certain class and consistency that make them lovable. 


What He'll Look and Act Like:


Not great...well not even remotely great. Philadelphia and region have the worst dressed men in the country apart from the poor living in the hills so they have no excuse. These men always look like they are going to some slobby sporting event or the beach. You'll look like a vision from some exotic cosmopolitan city in comparison. No need to spruce up too much, these men are blind to their own style let alone the subtly dressed foreigner. They don't give a damn. His hair will be style-less, his watch could be from Wal-Mart or the mall...he doesn't know, his clothes will be unworthy of being remembered. 

Recently we had a guest visit us from the Netherlands. He was impeccably dressed everywhere we went. The girls from Philadelphia nearly dropped dead from his oozing gorgeousness wherever we went poking each other so they could all look at him. He was like a prince and certainly the only man worth looking at for miles and miles and miles. Sad because if the Philadelphia guy got a clue, they would be swimming in women. Sadly, they have no idea what they are missing. 


One thing to be careful of however is that unlike their Boston brothers, these men are NOT funny and sometimes take sarcasm to an extreme. You need to keep him in check throughout the date so it doesn't get abusive. They don't mean it, it's just that they are not that humorous and when they try it falls flat. One girl I know went on a date with a fantastic smart guy who said she had soft hands...perfect for touching his penis!  This was their first date and he apologized profusely for being so rude when she told him he was being a jerk. He honestly WAS sorry but that's typical of Philadelphia boys and he didn't see his error before he opened his mouth. They desperately need training and if you're up for retraining these decent men, then have at it.


What Kind of Girl He's Used To:


Mid-Atlantic men are used to much nicer counterparts to themselves in style and dress. Philadelphia girls on the most part have well groomed hair, pretty enough faces, and are fair of graces albeit that many of them look exactly alike (that German thingee). However, and this should be a warning to you forevermore, these girls can be vicious in a way that no other girl in the country is vicious. Picture the humorlessness in the males of this species and then double it with the girls and apply ignorance and lack of generosity and you have the common Mid-Atlantic girl. They are not to be messed with under any circumstances. If you are a bit vicious yourself from your native land you'll have no problem though keeping them in check. They aren't smart so a bit of callousness on your part will do the job nicely and they will back off. The men of this area are much nicer than the women and that's not saying much.

Where Your Blind Spot Is:

You won't have too much of a blind spot. Mid-Atlantic men are pretty straight-fowardly bad. There is absolutely no point to messing with a common street rat and you can tell who he is because he looks like a rapper and he has no idea what to say to you because you're from "someplace else not this area". The men who have tattoos are laborers and not much worth the effort unless they are cute and that's like finding a fake diamond in the gutter, pretty but not worth much. The real catch are the professionals who in this area are very much into meeting one another at something called a "Happy Hour" at chain restaurants like TGIFridays or a local cool bar. You can ask where the best happy hours are and will meet a serious Mid-Atlantic man ready for romance or even marriage. They are very willing to meet, mate, and marry. The area didn't sustain the same damage from the recent financial recession as other areas did so these men still are working.

The Big Date:

Mid-Atlantic Men have good restaurants to choose from, decent memories for good places to have fun, and sadly will often bring his gang. But the good news is that a Mid-Atlantic Man is so grateful that you'd choose him that he'll probably only bring 'the boys' mercifully and only to prove that he's out with you. Then he'll bring you out alone and keep the menacing women away. He will be careful to keep you happy. Bad news is that you won't be happy when he comes to the door wearing some god-awful outfit looking like a slob. Be nice and bring him shopping when you get to know him better. He has money and won't mind spending it on making you happy with him. After all, you're the best and most exotic girl he's ever met.

New York Men

Why You Are Here and What It Is:


Most likely you thought you'd only come to America once so you chose New York as your stop because you've seen so much of it on the news, on TV, and in the movies. That's fine, it's not the typical American experience but it's your experience and it will be fun. If you're here for work, you should have no trouble meeting a man but if you're just here to tour it might take more effort. 


New York in this case is New York City comprising the five boroughs of New York: Manhattan (very cool), Staten Island (very not cool), Brooklyn (up-and-coming), Queens (think of a man in a trash can) and The Bronx (don't even think of anyone from the Bronx being remotely datable).


New York Men:


If you meet a well-dressed and lovely man in New York the first thing you'll have to establish is whether or not he's gay. This is not a bad thing to ask in this day and age and will be taken as a matter of course in New York. It is NOT ever okay to ask in any other region of the country. One way to ask is to say, "Do you have a partner?" Usually the man will offer up that he's taken by a man or a woman. The word "partner" implies that you are inquiring whether he's gay or straight. Gay men in New York are very open about their sexual orientation and you won't have trouble with finding out who is gay or not.


New York is the world's meet-up space and every country in the world is present and accounted-for. Because of this, it is impossible to define a "New Yorker" so I am going to classify them as Natives and not Visitors. Visitors are those that are here on working visas and Natives are those that were raised in the five boroughs and "act like New Yorkers". Of the Natives there are two types, the Intellectuals and the Workers. Both are fun to talk to and date.


New York men are fast walkers and even faster talkers. You have to have a good command of the American-English language in order to even have a two minute conversation with a New Yorker. They are quick, demanding of good service, and also knows a lot about good conversation and fun. They are used to getting their way and to being treated well as well as treating others just as graciously. There is a lot of accommodation going on with so many people on one island that they know how to be courteous and move about gracefully. They are impressive men.

Where to Meet Him:


New Yorkers are terrible at meeting people socially when they don't know you. Partly this is true because although you're always around people, you'll never go up to anyone in particular and will just make eye-contact. 


You'll have to meet him at a wine bar, a creperie, a gallery, or at a dance club...period. This is not the place to meet on the street for sure. There is so much mental illness walking around as "normal" people that New Yorkers are completely immune and will ignore any reaching out on your part to make contact. They pretty much assume that at any moment you will freak out on them with scissors and pee your pants. You must go to an atmosphere of gentleness, music, and intimacy otherwise you'll be ignored no matter how lovely you are. These men are used to seeing models everywhere they go and you're just another person in a huge crowd. Never think you're meeting a New Yorker in Times Square...you're meeting another tourist.


What He'll Look and Act Like:

The typical New York male is very well dressed, looks a bit European in his style but is more rugged and "manly". He is wearing one thing that is a conversation starter like cool glasses or an interesting t-shirt. He works hard for money and long hours but he also plays hard too and enjoys night life. New Yorkers are up all night, eat marvelous food, and comes from unique backgrounds like Jewish homes, gourmet Italian homes, and intellectual homes. He is almost always educated and very open minded. You won't find a New York man who doesn't have an opinion on something going on in the world, who doesn't know at least one story from the country you've come from, or who has never traveled. New Yorkers are the brainy boys from America.

New York men have great hair from the plethora of good barbers in his neighborhood, is well groomed, and has the best cologne, watches, and cell phones compared to anyone else in the country. He will be casual and cool. Nothing phases him like other men from America and he's not going to look twice at two men kissing, at a fight between two drug addicts, or even a person dying in the street. He's got somewhere to be and this would just slow him down.

He will be more sophisticated than any of his other American brothers but this has its downside; when he leaves his borough he's definitely not comfortable or making others comfortable within his own country. The rest of America does not like New Yorkers much to the New Yorker's surprise. They are too quick, too rushed, too prickly and demanding for the rest of America. Most Americans roll their eyes when they see New Yorkers coming and for good reason...they are about to get a headache from their demanding attitude. It always leaves the "accommodating" New Yorker quite oblivious to why no one likes them in say, Amish Country in Pennsylvania! They are irritating outside of Manhattan for sure.

What Kind of Girl He's Used To:

Manhattan boys are used to the most beautiful women in the world living in his building let alone the whole of the island. The girls he meets are sophisticated, independent, and have a great sense of style. All the ugliest dressers in Manhattan are either Visitors or Tourists and are invisible to the Manhattan boy. Models from all over the world come to Manhattan in hopes of working. 

You have competition but also there is strength in numbers and there are so many single men in NYC who come and go that you'll meet someone who is unattached and interested. 


Where Your Blind Spot Is:


What you don't know is the difference between a man of quality in Manhattan and a street rat. This is not easy to decipher right away since so many hip Manhattanites look like upgrades to the common street rat. Men of quality have interesting friends, scads of girls who are also his friend, and good jobs / are going to a great college in the city. Street rats are friends with only their roommates, have no girl friends apart from the drug addicts in his building, and the biggest red flag is if they live with a relative like their brother / divorced father / cousin. This is a street rat who never grew up. It doesn't matter that he's taking courses at the local community college...he's not datable.  


The Big Date:


You'll probably start the date at a later hour like 9 or 10 pm. He will probably bring you to one of the most interesting restaurants you've ever been to in your life with the most amazing menu you've ever seen. He WILL want to impress you with his choice of wine, food, and venue so you'll need to be appreciative and nice about everything. Don't gush however with gratitude as you'll seem like a gold-digger...just play it cool and gentle. Manhattan men like someone who seems a bit more humble than what he's used to.  After dinner you'll go to a bar with music or comedy or both. You'll both be walking around an incredible city for hours. Afterward you'll need to prepare yourself for whether you'll go up to his apartment or not. Manhattan boys are used to quick relationships just as fast as the cabs they came home in. You'll have to make a quick decision whether you're up for it or not. Don't be too dismayed by the size of his apartment. There are a million and a half people living in a few square kilometers in the center of the cultural universe of the world. His rent alone could sustain a family of four in the country for a year.